To be honest, I kind of put off answering this for a while. I don’t like bringing up things that I struggle with, I would much rather focus on God.
A few things I have struggled with in the past are smoking, addiction, self harm (cutting), anorexia/bulimia, as well as many other issues with self worth including using sex/being wanted by somebody to help me feel good about myself, also, since we’re being honest, and I might as well just lay it all out on the line, I struggled with loneliness which manifested itself in wanting romantic relationships with everyone (I wouldn’t say I was homosexual or bisexual, because I believe that those are choices we as people make in response to something, for me, it was loneliness), I also struggle with anger and anxiety. I have post traumatic stress disorder which is a result of being abused by my father from the time I was 4 until I was 14. I have abandonment issues as well.
Luckily God has been, and is, in the process of freeing me from all of these things. I am three months sober from any kind of recreational drug or alcohol (read my testimony for more info:]), and God has helped me to make HUGE leaps in quitting smoking. I used to smoke almost two packs a day, and now, I am only having 1-2 cigarettes a week, if any. I have been in recovery for my eating disorder for about 8 or 9 months, making baby steps every day, but I have not had any thoughts of starving myself or throwing up in a long time:) I am at 120 pounds, and for right now, that is ok with me. As I said, the sexual identity issue was something that worked itself out, because it was all a repercussion of my loneliness. Now that I have learned to rely on the company of God and myself, I no longer struggle with loneliness as severely. God sent me Scott, who I swear is an absolute angel, and he has helped me to move on from my fears of being abandoned and used by everyone I meet. I have re-dedicated my body to God and am waiting for marriage. God has also helped me to start healing my relationship with my father. He has even been using me as a tool to heal my father after his divorce from my mother and my grand-father’s death! My dad is becoming more and more open to talking with me about my faith, and God has used my testimony to speak so much into his life.
A few pieces of scripture that have really helped me are Psalm 139, Romans 12:2, all of 1John, Jesus’ parables, and Song of Songs. I really enjoy reading my Bible, and it is incredible to see how much healing God has done in my life since I opened myself up to Him and started spending significant time in His Word.
God has blessed me so much.
