Tumblr Group Bible Study

Hey everyone!

It’s been awhile since there’s been any activity over here.

We’re about a week and four days into the new year and I think it would be appropriate if we all shared a short reflection on our outlook and what God has laid upon our hearts already in this year.

For me, it’s been a greater focus on the word. I’ve started a year long Bible reading plan in hopes of fully immersing myself in the roadmap God has provided for me, for all of us. In order to be fully in tune with God and open to his guidance, I have to have my mind in the right place and on the right things.

Humility and discernment are two big ones, too. In humility, I think God is calling me to practice radical forgiveness, love, and doing away with my pride. I strongly believe that one of my spiritual gifts is discernment but I’m working on further developing and I steadily pray for discernment in my everyday life and situations/scenarios that may arise.

I look forward to hearing from everyone else. :)

I am snowed in, so it seems like the perfect day to get back on track with this Bible study.

I want to focus on Hosea, because it is one of my favorite books.

If you haven’t read it, I strongly recommend it. Then come back and post about what it means to you to be chased after by the God of the universe.

Much love:)

So I’m sort of bummed that nothing has happened on here in so long! I will pray and post a scripture tomorrow morning that we can discuss tomorrow and Saturday. Sound good? Awesome.

:)much love

post something (or things, or people, or places, etc) that you are thankful to God for.

I thought I would sit down and just write about my weekend. I am so filled right now. I feel good. About myself, about my life, my friends. I just feel really good. It’s been a long long time. I am so content. God has taught me so much this weekend.

There are a few things that have really shaped me in the past three days. Every second has had an impact on me, but there are certain moments and people that have just brought me to my knees with the never-ending mercy, goodness, and love of God.  I’m just going to write as I think.

God really strengthened Scott and mine’s relationship at Encounter. We were able to have a couple days where we were COMPLETELY focused on God together. Scott was able to expand his faith in a lot of ways I think, and so was I. It was both a very personal experience, and an experience in which God strengthened both of us in each others’ lives. I am so happy that Scott had the opportunity to meet and speak with other Christians, I think it’s really important to his walk that he does this as often as possible. He lives in a dorm at a secular school, and there is a lot of partying and hardly any other Christians on his campus. I’m praying that the experience he had at Encounter would really encourage him to start reaching out to people around him-bother believers and non. Scott’s hearing was restored! Agh. This was so awesome.  He has been partially deaf in one of his ears for five years. He was prayed over by a young man at the conference, he felt a pop in his ear, and ALL OF HIS HEARING WAS RESTORED. Hallelujah. Seriously.

The second day of Encounter was extremely challenging for me. Everything said was so necessary and relevant to my life that I am still being convicted two days after the fact. I am learning to quiet myself. Really shut my mouth, and just listen to what people have to say, to what God has to say through those around me, what He is saying constantly through nature and my own heart. I like being quiet. I like listening. I think this is definitely something that is going to stick with me. I have already been so touched by what God spoke into my heart on Saturday, that I can feel my whole life-style changing. Another thing I was very broken over was realizing how much God has put in me the need to help others. I have shut out this need so many times before, put myself first and played the “but look, God, I went through that, I went through this…I don’t see why I need to help that person…” game and turned my face from the people around me who came to me for help. I prayed for them, and I tried my hardest to talk them through their problems, but I never really listened the way God wanted me to, I never really spoke into their lives what I felt He was saying to me about their situation. This goes along with the listening thing. I am learning to be quiet. To sit in the stillness and listen to God before I speak, so that when I do, I can have the right things to say. I want to change people’s lives. I want to help and not hurt, to convict and not condemn. I want to be selfless, truly selfless, and give everything to God. I want to be God’s masterpiece, His master piece, His tool in the lives of others. HERE I AM. And I’m ready to shut up and listen to You. I’m ready to do Your work and speak Your words. I’m ready. Here I am. SEND ME.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling so refreshed from the two days before. I went over to Sean’s at noon to make sandwiches with the Refuge youth group. We went downtown, and handed out almost every single sandwich to a homeless person. Again, I learned so many things yesterday. The first, repeated from the night before, is that I really really love helping people. I love being used by God to reach out to the needy and the poor. I love it. It warms my heart. Brittney and I prayed with a homeless man who said that he was a drunk and couldn’t quit smoking. “I quit all of the other drugs, the cocaine and all that. But I can’t seem to quit the beer…or the cigarettes.” The man was so skinny. Over half of his teeth were gone. But he was so honest with us. I loved it. His smile was so big and he had tears in his eyes after we were finished praying. He looked up at us and said, “Now I’ve got to be honest with you ladies. You need to wash your hands. I have a disease, and I don’t want you to get it.” He showed us a sore on his hand (it was probably just a callus, but it was so kind of him to be that honest with us, concerned about OUR health, and our safety, even though he was living on the street!) I definitely want to do outreaches as often as possible. I felt so full at the end of the day. God answered my prayers in another way last night at youth group. I have felt so lonely lately. I’ve just really needed a friend, someone who would reach out, someone who would show me God’s love. I have Scott and my family, but I’ve been really praying for someone to show me the love that comes from a friend, I need to know that someone can love me just because they do. It’s hard to explain. I grew up in a family where if I hugged my brother for too long or showed too much affection, something was wrong with that relationship. “Love” was shown to me by getting thrown into a wall, or being yelled at by someone two inches in front of my face. As I got older, and the abuse stopped, “love” was displayed in my life by boys using me for sex and then leaving me, by having hands all over me even though I said no. Love has ALWAYS been a sign of I want you, or I need something from you. Scott has shown me how to love romantically in a healthy way. Our relationship is not at all physically based; it stands on God and the love we have for one another is pure. I have learned to love my family in a healthy and Godly way. But I still have struggled with my friendships…especially my friendships with guys. In my mind, if a guy is nice to me, it means he wants something from me. He wants me to do him “a favor”, he wants me to look nice for him, he expects things from me. That’s just how it has always been. I don’t think I have ever had a friendship where I didn’t feel that way. God is changing that for me. God put Sean in my life. Sean is Brittney’s fiancee. He’s such a good guy, rough around the edges from his past, but He gave up everything about His old lifestyle when He started living for Christ. He’s one of those guys that you can just tell really loves God, really and truly adores Him with all of his heart. He’s my youth pastor at the Refuge and last night God used him in my life to show me what it meant to have somebody truly care about me and love me because they did, because He did. In youth group, we wrote letters to ourselves, what we think God would say to us if He Himself were writing the letter. We read them to the group. While we were reading our letters, I was touched so deeply. God used every girl in the room to show His love. I really realized how much I would truly relate to others if I let myself. All the girls in the room struggled with the same things I did: self-esteem, worthlessness, fear, loneliness, etc. I realized that I really am not alone. Becca started crying, and when I looked at her, something welled up inside of me as well. We prayed over Becca, and when we were done, I was still going. I was crying hard. Hard. It’s been a while since I’ve actually let myself cry like that. I didn’t really know what I was crying about. I just felt broken. I felt broken and lonely and I needed a hug. Sean pulled me to him and gave me a hug. He rubbed my back, and just said “It’s ok” over and over again. He pulled away and looked at me. He said “Joy, I don’t even really know you that well. But I know that if I can already love you this much, if seeing you like this already hurts as much as it does, then I KNOW that God loves you. And I KNOW that His heart is broken when you’re hurting like this.” He hugged me again. The kind of hug I haven’t had in a long time, if ever, and said “God thinks you are amazing. He thinks you are awesome and beautiful. He wants to hug you, to wrap you in His arms, just like I am now. God loves you so much, Joy. I love you. It’s ok.” I stopped crying almost immediately. I felt like a hole had been filled in my heart. God has healed yet another part of me. I understand another side of love now. I understand that friendship isn’t about wanting something from someone. It isn’t about expectation or labels or anything that I have though in the past. Friendship is hugs, and hurting with someone, praying with someone, letting them know that they are loved, and saying “it’s ok”.  My best friend’s name is Jesus Christ. And He does all of those things for me.

Now, whenever I hurt, whenever I break down, I’ll remember that God is right there saying “Joy, I love you so much. I hurt because you do. It’s ok.”

God is so good.

To be honest, I kind of put off answering this for a while. I don’t like bringing up things that I struggle with, I would much rather focus on God.

A few things I have struggled with in the past are smoking, addiction, self harm (cutting), anorexia/bulimia, as well as many other issues with self worth including using sex/being wanted by somebody to help me feel good about myself, also, since we’re being honest, and I might as well just lay it all out on the line, I struggled with loneliness which manifested itself in wanting romantic relationships with everyone (I wouldn’t say I was homosexual or bisexual, because I believe that those are choices we as people make in response to something, for me, it was loneliness), I also struggle with anger and anxiety. I have post traumatic stress disorder which is a result of being abused by my father from the time I was 4 until I was 14. I have abandonment issues as well.

Luckily God has been, and is, in the process of freeing me from all of these things. I am three months sober from any kind of recreational drug or alcohol (read my testimony for more info:]), and God has helped me to make HUGE leaps in quitting smoking. I used to smoke almost two packs a day, and now, I am only having 1-2 cigarettes a week, if any. I have been in recovery for my eating disorder for about 8 or 9 months, making baby steps every day, but I have not had any thoughts of starving myself or throwing up in a long time:) I am at 120 pounds, and for right now, that is ok with me. As I said, the sexual identity issue was something that worked itself out, because it was all a repercussion of my loneliness. Now that I have learned to rely on the company of God and myself, I no longer struggle with loneliness as severely. God sent me Scott, who I swear is an absolute angel, and he has helped me to move on from my fears of being abandoned and used by everyone I meet. I have re-dedicated my body to God and am waiting for marriage. God has also helped me to start healing my relationship with my father. He has even been using me as a tool to heal my father after his divorce from my mother and my grand-father’s death! My dad is becoming more and more open to talking with me about my faith, and God has used my testimony to speak so much into his life.

A few pieces of scripture that have really helped me are Psalm 139, Romans 12:2, all of 1John, Jesus’ parables, and Song of Songs. I really enjoy reading my Bible, and it is incredible to see how much healing God has done in my life since I opened myself up to Him and started spending significant time in His Word.

God has blessed me so much.

I grew up in a hispanic family. Very prideful family. When i was younger my parents were always out clubbing and what not. My father was abusive and a drunk. His mom wanted to see my parents split up and other people around them wanted the same thing. So it was hard. As I was growing up I had a lot of self esteem issues. Especially since I was born with a lazy eye. I got made fun of because of it. I did whatever i could to get friends. i was VERY dependent on them. Since my family was a wreck i always went to my ‘friends’. I didn’t feel loved by my family so i went to guys for love. I got hurt by them but that never stopped me. I was also a huge conformist. I almost ran away from home but my parents caught me and kept me home. I dealt with drinking too.

I now deal with depression, my worldly desires, and self control. But I am learning to deal with it. He is giving me strength to say No and walk away. :)

God has changed my family. My dad is no longer drinking. My family is happy and we are all following God together. Whenever one of us is down we all help out. God has given me that self worth and strength to avoid a lot of falls. I look back and I see God’s hold on my family. He kept me from doing so many other things by having that grip on my heart. and He kept my family together through it all. He has given me that vision to keep my striving for His goal for me. To speak about His love around the world. He’s shown me that I’m not living for myself. I’m living for Him. I am in awe of Him and what He is doing in my life. He has put a group of people around me that I can lean on for help. A group of friends and leaders that i know will never leave me and will see me through. :)

These are what remind me of what God has for me:

Ezekiel 12:28

Jeremiah 1:6-8

John 17:14

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Ephesians 6:10-20 ARMOR OF GOD (very important)

Theres so MANY more but I don’t want to over do it…So this is just a snippet of everything… :)

So about me…well…eh…I’m just going to answer the questions in order.

Q1. What are some things you really struggle with/ have struggled with?

1. My struggles are mostly with self-worth. For a long time I found my worth through sex because when I was younger guys were always into my friends and not me…on top of that one of my boyfriends raped me once…and after that sex lost it’s meaning but more importantly I learned the power of sex in itself…idk, I never really enjoyed it but the feeling of being wanted was enough to suffice and enough to make me continue to do it.

Q2. In what ways has God changed you to be able to deal with these struggles? How has he helped you to overcome the sin you find hardest to stop?

2. God has just given me amazing people. That’s it. He’s really opened my eyes to what I’m worth…but mostly He let me do my own thing. He let me fall flat on my face and hit rock bottom until my only thing to do was turn to Him. He’s given me patience, or maybe I guess I have gained patience through seeking His face, by trying to dedicate my all I’ve slowly lost my desire to do certain things, like it may be in my head but I’ve done a decent job of counting the costs and thinking like…would it really be worth it? So yeah…He’s given me a fresh perspective of ME.

Q3. What scriptures offer you the most guidance and comfort when it comes to seeking answers/ relief from your struggles?

I’m relatively new to the Bible and all that…I tend to just flip to Psalms or Proverbs when I just want something to really chew on, however today I read through the book of Ecclesiastes and it will definitely be something that I look through when I am putting my worth in that which is worthless.

My attitude towards my family is always really negative. Everyone in my house has always been a Debbie Downer so it’s rubbed off on me. I try to keep my mouth shut and get over the anger but everyone provokes me so much. It’s gotten to the point where my parents flat out tell me that they want me to go to a friend’s house so they don’t have to deal with me anymore. It’s only with my family that I’m this way — others outside of my immediate family don’t get on my nerves as much. I deal with them and can get over my anger but it’s hard to do that. I always feel really bad after I have a fit too. Right now, God has really opened my eyes to how bad I really get. He’s in the back of my mind, telling me to keep my mouth shut and I obey more and more often. It’s a slow process, but it’s getting there.

I try to think of verses like Ecclesiates 7:9, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” and pretty much all of Ephesians 4:20-32 help me get my head in the game.